Tuesday, November 18, 2014

On life, and changes

Well, it has been a pretty eventful time for me since I last updated this blog. There have been some pretty mega life changes and there are more in the planning stages at the minute.
Let me bring you lovely folk up to speed...

Probably the biggest change of all, and the one I should start with since it sort of brought about all the other changes, is the fact I'm single again. Yes, it's scary and it's not fun and there's a lot of detail I really don't want to get into but the gist of it is that myself and the Big Guy ended our marriage in February of this year. We're still friends, and it is the best thing for us both but it's tough and well, yeah, it does kind of make me feel like I've failed at being a grown-up.

So, after that rather world-shattering change I started looking at moving all by myself and I ended up buying a place! Yes, the house hunt is finally done (for now) and I am now the owner of a 2 bed, 2 bath apartment right on the beach in Youghal. I've a top floor apartment so I've the benefit of high ceilings which does help, I'll give you guys a virtual tour in another post in the next day or two (let me tidy a bit before I take pics, yeah?).

So, that's some big changes right there, you know? I had been thinking about going off traveling for a bit and then I bought the apartment and I figured I wasn't going to be able to, this is my life now and I'd better make the most of it.

Sunday evening I got home from work. I cooked dinner (roast chicken, in case you're wondering), I watched tv, I knitted a bit. I decided to stick on Lost In Translation, one of my favourite films even though it always, always makes me cry, and by the end of it I was a sobbing mess. Not because of the movie (okay, partly because of the movie) but everything from this year hit me all at once and I had an absolute panic of epic proportions: what am I doing with my life, where do I go from here, why do I feel so unsettled, etcetera. So, I did what any normal 32 year old separated woman would do in this situation, I pitifully sobbed myself to sleep, hugging my cats...

Yesterday morning I got my sorry ass out of bed and I did none of the things I had planned to do with my day. Instead I thought. I thought and thought and read online articles and I thought some more. I asked myself some really tough questions and I tried to figure out what the hell it is I'm doing and where I want to go from here.

I've always wanted to travel. Always. Every time I got the inclination to take off across the globe I'd let myself be talked out of it. I'd convince myself I wouldn't be able to make it alone. I'd tell myself that I couldn't afford to take a year out from life, both financially and personally. I'd let others opinions hold me here, telling me that I couldn't do it, that I was only trying to run away from my problems, that I'd be back in no time with my tail between my legs.

Maybe I will. Maybe it will break me. I don't care, I'm going anyway.

I have made it through some awful things these past few years, dealing with infertility and the breakdown of my marriage and other things I have never written about. I think I can manage whatever else gets thrown in my path. I'm far stronger than I've ever given myself credit for before, and it's time I started to believe that.

So yesterday was day 1 of the adventure - simply deciding to do this. I now have to plan, and save, and make some choices along the way but whatever happens I know I'm doing this for the right reason...because it pleases me to do so!

I WILL be keeping you up to date on the adventure, the planning, the set backs and surprise turns from here on out. I guess when I set up this blog oh so long ago I never knew how appropriate the title would turn out to be. Life has a sense of humour!

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